Of the whole deck, the powerful, feminine energy that radiates from the Queen of Wands is my favourite. I know I say I love a lot of cards in the deck but if I had to choose one that I want to embody the most in my life it would be the Queen of Wands. She's the embodiment of feminine assertiveness and self-confidence.
Which brings me to the topic of this post. Being assertive is generally a difficult thing to do in our society, particularly if you are a female. Assertiveness in females is seen as being a bitch, self-confidence seen as being arrogant or "full of yourself.". Modesty and submissiveness in all aspects is pushed onto us females from when we are young. Everything tells us we should be quiet and modest to be a lady.
Assertiveness builds self-confidence and self-confidence allows you when to know the difference between passive, assertive and aggressive and when to apply your assertiveness to a situation and when to sit back and be passive. Assertiveness is being pro-active about yourself and standing up for your needs without neglecting or imposing on the needs of others. For example there may be problems within a relationship where the other party is behaving in a manner that hurts you, being assertive would be to talk to the other party, discuss with them the issue in a calm manner. If you were passive however, you would allow that person to continue hurting you, this damaging your self-esteem and causing stress and putting a strain on the relationship. If you were aggressive you would start a fight over the issue and end up sabotaging the relationship completely instead of working through the issues in an assertive way.
There are many reasons why we are not assertive in our lives. As I mentioned above, women may be taught to be passive because they should be tending to the needs of others rather than themselves, this could also have some women wanting to rebel against societal norms and flip to an aggressive stance in order to claim back their voice. Men are often raised to be aggressive, feeling that their need to be dominant in all areas of their lives means demanding what they want, this, as with the example of women, may flip the other way around and they may want to not be seen as the dominant, aggressive man, rebelling against their upbringing they could become passive in order to show that they are "not like that".
There's also a greater societal reason for being passive. We're often taught that to be nice we must be passive and give everyone what they want. In turn we believe that our needs are sub-par to those of others and we give in to what others want or need for fear of appearing the bad guy or that the other person will walk out on us altogether, when actually the fact we are not being assertive in our needs causes stress, lack of proper communication and ultimately puts strain on our relationships and breaks them down.
Being assertive builds self-confidence and there's nothing wrong with standing up for yourself and considering your own needs in a positive and proactive manner. Start small and begin learning to say no respectfully. Learn that it's ok to say no if you don't want to do something and that the other person should never make you feel guilty for saying no if it's not what you want. Learn to talk about your needs and feelings without being aggressive or blaming others but in a way that will allow them to be included in your feelings and let them know how they can help.
Channel the energies of The Queen of Wands by allowing the fire energy within you to be channelled through that queenly, feminine exterior. Rule yourself and your needs with the strong, assertiveness of a Queen who's fire allows you to be strong and dominant but who's feminine energy allows you to display that dominance and strength in a nurturing and loving manner. Respect yourself and others around you because you are worth it.